Woman's voice: All my life, all I ever wanted to be
was a rock and roll star.
# Sixty-one-forty-one Afton Place was my home #
# Junkies, thieves, rednecks and queens #
# Rock and roll stars and freaks like me #
# I tried to leave this place where the sidewalk screams #
# And the courtyard's littered with broken dreams #
# But those dirty, dirty angels keep on pulling me in #
# Promising me more of nefarious sin #
Woman's voice: I was this dorky seventh grader from the Valley
when I had my first cool experience.
My boyfriend, Johnny Miller, had his dad drive us to see
Ike and Tina Turner at the Hollywood Bowl.
Oh, man. She scared the shit out of me!
It was the most bad-assed thing I'd ever seen a woman do.
Suddenly, the idea of becoming a teacher or a nurse lost its edge.
Sorry, Mom.
# 35 flew by near Sunset and Vine #
# I'm not getting any younger #
# Hollywood is killing me, this town's a motherfucker #
# I tried to leave this place where the sidewalk screams #
# And the courtyard's littered with broken dreams #
# But those dirty, dirty angels keep on pulling me in #
# Promising me more of my very sin #
Woman's voice: The second after I'd got my driver's license,
I grabbed my fake I.D., jumped into my Pinto,
and headed straight over the hill to Hollywood.
I saw the band X at The Whiskey, and I fell in love with Punk Rock.
I left that show knowing I had to have my own band.
So I got an electric guitar, learned three chords,
and cons some chicks into starting a band with me.
That was 20 years ago.
Today, and God knows how many bands later, not much has changed.
Not the gigs, not the clubs, not the money.
# I tried to leave this place where the sidewalk screams #
# And the courtyard's littered with broken dreams #
# But those dirty, dirty angels keep on pullin' me in #
# Promising me more of nefarious sin #
( crowd shouting )
# My favorite sin #
Tonight, we made $13.50 each.
Not even enough to support my eyeliner habit.
Lady with a baby, make a hole.
And what lucky ladies get to share this glamorous life with me?
Let me introduce you to my band.
That's Faith. Guitar God by night, guitar teacher by day.
Oh, man, she loves her guitar!
I think she only stopped sleeping with it when she started sleeping with Sally.
That's Sally. Hmm, let's see.
If Shirley Temple and Keith Moon had a love child,
she would definitely be Sally.
You need help with that, missy?
Oh, yeah. That beautiful mess is Tracy.
Lucky for her, she's a trust fund baby.
And a great bass player.
What did I say about the feet?
Oh, this is Jessica.
Hey.
It must be Friday.
- Hey. - Am I going to see you later on?
Yeah. I'll call you.
Jacki...
don't say you're going to call me unless you're going to call me, okay?
- I will see you later. - All right.
See you later. Let me just finish up here.
Fine.
Chicks.
I spent over20 years living, breathing, fucking, sucking, eating, sleeping,
and dreaming all things rock and roll.
It never occurred to me that I might not make it.
So, did I really want to be slugging it out in little clubs,
still chasing that rock and roll dream when I was 45?
50? How about fucking 60?
I mean, at what point do I become a joke?
In two days I'll be 40.
And surprise, surprise, I ain't no rock star.
I could quit and become the bitter old bitch who devoted her whole life
to rock and roll and never succeeded...
or I could stick with it and become the bitter old bitch who refused to give up.
Hmm, bitter rock chick in a band?
Bitter rock chick without a band?
Either way, bitter and rock and roll end up together.
Woman : Go this way.
This, if-- ( laughs )
Hello, lesbian lovers.
Hello, lady who kept make up from mind.
Now here's a foolish question.
- Is Tracy here yet? - ( chuckles )
Hello. Testes, one, two, three. Testes.
# Ooga-chaka, ooga-ooga, ooga-chaka, ooga-ooga #
# Ooga-chaka, ooga-ooga #
# I can't stop this feeling #
# Deep inside of me #
# Girl, you just don't realize #
- # What you do to me # - Fuck!
# When I hold you in my arms so tight #
Shut up!
# Hooked on a feeling #
I cannot believe you know the words of that fucking song!
Tracy, while we were waiting for you, we took a vote.
We're now a cover band.
Cover this, dude.
Whore.
I'm like Cher.
Hey! # That you're in love with me #
Yeah, yeah. No way, man. I read the pamphlets.
Today's marijuana, tomorrow I'm a crack whore.
Faith: I know this girl.
She had a labia reduction.
Man.
Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready for that cheap rock and roll sound?
The band you've been trying to avoid all your life,
the fucking worst band in the history of rock and roll.
- Would you mind not fucking-- - I'm embarrassed to introduce--
All right, Nick, Nick, enough. Here, smoke pot and shut up, dude.
Think this could wait until after rehearsal?
- I don't think so. - I don't think so. We'll be right back.
- Nick: Yeah! - Come on, man, leave 'em alone.
It's the rock and roll sound.
- How much? - 200, baby.
Oh, that's what I'm talking about. I must've been a good boy.
You look so good.
God, you're so beautiful!
Why don't you come with me, huh?
You don't need to practice. They can practice. Quit.
- C'mon, Nick. - Come with me in Mexico.
I can't, they'll kill me. I got to stay.
Go. Get out.
At least come into the bathroom with me. I want to show you something.
Don't be a fucking pig, dude, c'mon.
Go.
- Yo! - Shut your hole!
# She says bad luck follows me around #
# All my friends have let me down #
# I don't need this dress, these drugs, this town #
# These people, this party, yeah, it's bringin' me down #
Buen dia, compadre.
- How are you doing? - Good, good, good.
Real good.
# She says I never used to live like this #
# I had it all and walked away from it #
# I don't need these problems, this drama, this shit #
# It's 3:00 a.m. and I'm losing my grip #
# With mouth full of lies and heart full of sighs #
# "Why me, oh Lord, why me?" she cries #
# 'Cause everyone else is so fucked up #
# And everything else is so fucked up #
All the time.
# And it always finds me, it's just my luck #
# Ms Tweak lives in Hollywood #
# Looking up at hell she thinks she's got it so good #
# She don't need no friends, no family, no man #
# She don't need nothing, man, she don't give a damn #
# With a mouth full of lies and a heart full of sighs #
# "Why me, oh Lord, why me?" she cries #
# "'Cause everyone else is so fucked up" #
# "And everything else is so fucked up" #
# And it always finds me, it's just my luck #
# She says, "Blah, blah, blah" #
# She says nothing at all #
# She says "Blah, blah, blah" #
# She says nothing at all. #
Look at you.
I can't believe you didn't tell me you were getting out?
I wanted to surprise you.
You know that guy?
Grab my bass, will you?
Oh, man!
Who's this guy?
I don't know, he's kind of fucking hot though.
In an "America's Most Wanted" kind of way.
- Hi! I'm Faith. - I'm Animal.
Animal?
- I'm Sally's brother. - You have a brother?
Named Animal?
Wow! Well, where you been?
- I was in-- - He was in college.
Yeah-- no, he's got lvy League written all over him.
Hey guys, can we just have a minute, please?
- All right. - Thanks.
- I was in prison. - Did he just say prison?
Yes, he did. How long and what for?
Dude, you're not supposed to ask that!
Is there a prison etiquette I don't know about?
I want to make sure he's not a child molester, or a rapist.
Jacki, he's-- he's my brother.
They're always someone's brother.
You look friendlier in the photos.
It's nice to finally meet you, Jacki.
What photos?
Great to finally meet you, Jacki.
Nick, say hello to Sally's brother, Animal.
- Hey, man. - Nick: Animal?
You got a problem, man?
I don't know. Do I?
I don't know. Do you?
Stop it, Nick. Splashing your testosterone all over the place.
Shut up, Jack!
Don't talk to her like that, man.
( whistles, laughing )
Maybe I should just come back later, huh?
I saw a motel a few blocks back. It rents by the week.
Dude, we got an extra room, you should totally stay with us.
Is that okay?
Sure, yeah.
Jacki: Yeah, it'd be totally cool.
'Cause if Tracy and Sally just play it totally straight,
and I come in just kind of chugging, like really slow, slow, slow, slow.
Then you'd come in with this lead, really slow,
toom-toom-toom, build, build, build,
then we just slam into the chorus.
- lt'll be hot, man. - ( vibrator buzzing )
So shall I start without you?
I got to go.
- Uh-huh. - Uh-huh. Come here.
- Turn that thing off. - Uh-huh.
( grunts ) Love is evil.
And cruel.
Radio: I'll tell you anotherthing. Ifyourteenager
is listening to the heavy metal music, be warned:
This could be the first step towards renouncing Jesus.
- Oh my God! - What the fuck is that?
This music is sponsored by Satan himself...
- Ooh, Satan! - ( laughs )
...goes hand in hand with premarital sex,
alcoholism, addiction to marijuana,
and in some cases, madness.
- Wild madness! - Oh, God!
( heavy metal music playing )
# So messed up, I want you here #
# In my room, I want you here #
# Now we're gonna be face to face #
# And I'll lay right down in my favorite place #
# But now I wanna be your dog #
# 'Cause now I wanna be your dog #
# Well, come on! #
( phone ringing )
- ( machine beeps ) - Man: Fuck, I didn't hear the beep.
Jacki, It's Chuck from Triple Z records.
Listen, uh, I'm sorry--
Hey Chuck, what's up?
I'm not busy, man.
Yeah, I know about it, it's next month. I read it in the Weekly. Why?
# 'Cause now I'm ready to feel your hand #
That's too bad, man.
Yeah, I mean, well, you know, I got to ask the rest of the band, but...
that sounds pretty cool.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, I'll get back to you, man. Cool, thanks. Bye.
What is your problem?
Jesus, that was Chuck!
- I don't care who that was. - He wanted to tell me--
Like I give a shit?
I got to pee.
- ( door closes ) - Fuck!
Jacki's voice: Every band dreams ofgetting a call like this.
Yes! Yes!
- You're such a dick! - Just a second!
Jacki's voice: Oh God. Please don't let us fuck this up.
What are you doing?
You know what, fuck you, Jacki and your band! I don't need this shit!
Jessica, come on, man, don't be stupid, you're not leaving.
You're so smart? You don't even know when to apologize!
- Apologize for what? - For what?!
I'm sorry for picking up the phone when I was fucking you again!
- Jessica-- - How about, I'm sorry!
I'm sorry for not being at your birthday 'cause of my damn rehearsal!
- You knew about that. - You never hang out at my house.
You don't take me dancing to the gay bars 'cause--
- 'cause you hate the music? - Well, it sucks.
- Fuck the music. - Okay, I'm sorry, baby, I'm sorry!
Oh, I'm sick of this shit!
I just apologized.
Come on, you know you don't want to leave!
It's mine!
Jessica!
( door closes )
Fuck.
Ooh! Chuck called! What the fuck did he want?
He came sniffing around here, and then what? Nothing.
- Just listen-- - I don't know. No, Jacki.
- Fuck him, and his faux British accent! - Faux?
Listen, I know the guy is super cheesy but he gets shit done.
Dude, he doesn't even fucking return your calls, man.
Maybe he's busy.
That's funny, because when I don't return
people's telephone calls, that means I don't wanna talk to 'em.
- Guys, come on, let her finish. - Jacki: Thank you, Sally.
Okay, you're ready, this is great. Now-- well,
you know the drummer guy, from Thrill 13, right?
Well, he O.D.'d.
Wow! Now, that is great fucking news, dude.
- (laughter) - That's not what I meant.
Oh, wait, they're opening for X, right?
They were.
And one of the reason's Chuck called, he can't promise us anything,
but he's going to try to get us that opening slot.
What? That's fucking great!
Oh, and that's not all.
He wants to take a meeting with us on Thursday.
Oh my God! He's going to sign us, I know it.
You are the sweetest little angel.
What, isn't that part of the reason that we're in a band?
- To get signed, and go on tour? - Actually, I'm in a band so I get laid.
Come on, dude, chicks do not need to be in a band to get laid.
- Faith: Shut the fuck up. - Nice.
( guitar riffs )
( thumps )
Okay, ready?
( electric guitarplaying )
- What do you think? - Oh, um--
it-- that wasn't bad.
Yeah!
Okay, but do you remember, we were talking about...
the dynamics of a song.
What's that?
Um...
oh, look at-- we're out of time!
- Okay, I'll see you next week, then. - Yes, cool.
Okay, bye.
Mom, that was really good, thank you. It was so good.
Well, after coffee, you get to open your presents.
- Oh yes, presents! - I spent a lot of money.
But I got a big question, serious question,
I don't see a pony anywhere, am I ever going to get a pony?
Every year, I'm promised a pony, and every year there's no pony!
Oh, I'll never forget the look on your face
when we got you that bike that looked like a pony.
- I didn't know that. - And she named it Lucky.
Did you know she used to put carrots in the garage
hoping that the bike's going to eat the carrots?
I loved that bike. One time, I remember I came out to play, and it was gone?
- Remember that? - Somebody stole Lucky?
- I don't remember that. - No, Dad took it.
Dad hid Lucky to teach me a lesson to not leave it out on the front lawn.
- What else is new? - How can you not remember that?
I came in, I was freaking out, screaming and crying,
"Oh my God! Oh my God! Where's Lucky?"
He said, "Ifit was up your ass so you'd know where he was. "
How about when he used to say, "Go get me something to hit you with."
- What was that? - How lame were we?
Why did we always get him a belt?
How genius would it have been, if we came with a wet noodle and said,
"Go ahead, Dad, whale on us."
I wish I had a dollar for every time he said,
"Did your mother have any kids that lived?"
- Shut up, you, guys. - How about when he'd give us a bath?
- Our special bath-- - That is enough!
Way to go, Jacki. I told you, that shit is just not funny.
- You think I don't know that? - Yeah.
( exhales )
Enough.
( groans )
Sorry, Mom.
I just don't know how you and your sister
can joke and go on like that.
Well, what are our choices?
( exhales )
So, how are things going with the band?
What?
Nothing.
They're fine.
They're good. I mean--
we'll see. We have a small label looking at us.
Well, that's terrific, isn't it?
Yeah, we'll see.
Will they show all those tattoos on MTV?
Mom, I'm gonna keep my sleeves over it, all the time.
Just for you. See that?
There.
I bet if you got a job illustrating books
instead of people they'd provide you with...
Both: medical and dental insurance.
Well, honey, it's true! What if, God forbid, something happens to you!
- Nothing's gonna happen to me. - And you smoke way too much.
Mom, I smoke just enough.
Come on, I know you got a cake in there somewhere for me.
Yep. I baked your favorite chocolate.
- With marshmallow frosting. - Yes!
Come on, Mom. Bring it on!
Jacki's voice: She left him when I was 10, thank God.
Still, a day doesn't go by when I don't think about him.
After all, he helped make me the woman I am today. Way to go, Dad!
( electrical buzzing )
- Dude, she is going to be so psyched. - ( groans )
- She better like it. - You kidding me?
She's gonna fucking love it.
Nothing says "life-time commitment" quite like a tattoo.
How's that girl you've been seeing? What's her name?
Jessica. How is Jessica doing?
- She dumped me. - (laughs )
What's wrong with you?
You can't keep no man, you can't keep no woman--
Sally spells her name with one "L", right?
Oh, you suck!
Jacki: That's a bitchen shirt, by the way.
Oh, thank you.
It's too bad we missed that whole riot girl scene by about a butt hair.
- Or 10 years. - Same thing.
But you know, you did pioneer that whole "Riot Mom" thing--
that was good.
Oh, happy birthday too, by the way.
Ow! Shit!
- What? - Fuck, that hurts!
It's a tattoo, man. It's got to hurt a little feel to good.
- Come on, now. Don't be a pussy. - Jeez! You don't do that again.
Do you ever think about quitting?
Quitting what?
Music.
Well, let's pretend I could do something else, which I cannot.
Um... no.
- ( exhales ) - Oh, wait, who's this, who's this?
"We're gonna play as long as there is an audience, man.
And when there's no audience, we're gonna play for the bartender!"
I never did that lame-ass gesture. You're such a dick.
You might as well tattoo that on your forehead.
No, seriously, don't you ever think about being 50 or 60 years old,
hauling our gear around, passing out fliers,
fighting with the bookers and still sweating the rent?
Fuck the rent.
(knocking on door )
Ahem.
- Hello, my angel. - Hey.
- ( door closes ) - What's up, girl?
- Where's Sally? - Her room.
- Is Jacki here? - Uh-uh.
You know, it's these meaningful talks we have...
that just make me feel so connected to you.
Close your eyes.
Open 'em.
- Oh, is it real? - Yes, it's real!
Ouch! Jacki just did it today.
Oh, my God, Faith.
Happy anniversary.
Oh, baby, it's so, so beautiful.
I love you so much.
I love you too.
- Let me see it. - Oh.
You know, I was noticing something--
something different about you today.
- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.
You have this brother.
Hey!
I wanted to tell you about a thousand times, and then he just showed up.
So, what did he do?
Faith, no.
( exhales )
Well, do you even want him here?
Yeah, I do.
Please don't make me talk about this right now.
You don't have to talk about that.
( knocking on door )
(indistinct talking on TV)
You want me to get that?
Hey.
- How are you doing? - Mm-hmm. I'm good.
- I guess I'm gonna finish to get ready. - Mm-hmm.
He's coming with us? I thought it was girl's night out.
Apparently not, dude.
After the gig, let's go do something.
Can't man. Nick's coming over.
Oh, you suck!
When was the last time we hung out? I miss you, man.
- Ever since you and Nick got together-- - Jacki.
At least I'm in a relationship. God forbid you have an emotion or two.
That's really sweet.
We're talking about you right now, not me.
No, Jacki. It's always about you.
Right now we're talking about your opinion of me.
No, right now it's about my concern for you.
You mean for the band?
You got a problem, dude. You got to deal with it.
My only problem is you at my ass lately.
- Is that right? - Yeah. Other than that, I'm just fine.
Tracy, we have a really good chance of getting signed.
I don't want you to fuck this up for me.
- You? - Us, you know what I mean.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Are you in this band because you like to play,
or are you still just trying to piss of your parents?
Yeah.
At least I'm not a 40-year-old wishing I was a 25-year-old rock star.
- Fuck. - Come on, you guys, let's go!
Hey, Jacki! Happy birthday, dude!
Is it your birthday? Hey, happy birthday! How old are you?
How big is your dick?
I'll wait outside.
( door opens, closes )
So, what are we going to do about Ms. Tweak?
I never thought I'd long for the days when Tracy was just drinking too much.
You're not thinking of kicking her out, are you?
I'm thinking I'd like to kick her ass up and down the street.
- She's a fucking great bass player. - She's a great friend!
Can you imagine going into the studio with that? She'd be a nightmare.
- Talk to her. - I tried. She doesn't want to hear it.
Do you want to see a hot show?
Nick, how many times do I have to tell you I do not like bell peppers?
Man, I told the guy twice-- no bell peppers.
The guy's an asshole.
Fuck, man!
( sniffing ) Mmm!
The good stuff.
What is wrong with you?
- I had a fight with Jacki. - Again? Fuck her.
You think I drink too much?
Is that what she said?
You know, she could use a fucking drink.
Don't worry about any of that tonight.
I want you to just relax.
Have you been thinking about the fantasy, hmm?
- We're not doing that tonight, are we? - No, no, not tonight, but--
maybe you've been thinking about it, hmm?
Come on. Get off.
You promised you wouldn't talk about it once I agreed.
All right, what movie did you rent?
I thought we'd watch one of the ones I got last week.
Right. Porn and pizza. That's real romantic.
How long is that guy staying here, anyways?
- Nick, don't start, man. - No, I'm just asking-- how long?
And don't pick a fight with him either, all right?
Oh, yeah? And why is that? Because he's been in prison,
and has lots of tattoos? I'm so scared.
No. Because it's stupid, and pointless, that's why.
God, why do guys always have to fight?
Because we're men. Manly men.
And that's what men do.
They already fucking hate you. Can you please not make it any worse?
What are you talking about? They love me.
# I was into smashing bottles #
# Oh, yeah #
# While you were laughing, calling me crazy #
# Oh, yeah #
- # Oh yeah, yeah, yeah # - # Oh yeah #
So are they... together?
Do you got a problem with that?
No. She's never mentioned it though.
Still bugged about Tracy?
Jacki: Whatever.
What do you know, anyway?
I know Sally really looks up to you.
I know you've worked your ass off for this band
and good things are finally happening.
- And I also know-- - Jesus Christ!
Didn't you have anything better to do in prison
than listen to Sally's up-to-the-minute Clamdandy reports?
No.
Look, I know she didn't tell you about me, but I feel like I know you guys.
Dude, you didn't know your sister was a dyke!
No. I know you are sometimes.
So, Animal, what did you do for fun in prison?
She said you could be a bitch.
- But mostly she said nice things. -Yeah, and you believed her?
Of course. Otherwise I wouldn't find myself liking you as much as I do.
Really?
- # It was a good Iife honey # - And I think you Iike me, too.
- What? - # We never had to beat... #
- #...around the bush # - I said I think you like me.
# Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah #
# Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah! #
( soft music playing )
# If I fall short #
# If I don't make the grade #
# Ifyour expectations aren't met in me today #
( Iaughs )
- # There's always tomorrow # - Yeah!
- # Or tomorrow night # - Come on, Nick, let me see that ass.
# Hang in there, baby #
# Sooner or later I know I'll get it right #
# Please don't give up on me #
- # Oh, please, don't give up on me # - Come on, you can't do it like that.
Yeah.
# I know it's late #
# Late in the game #
# But my feelings, my true feelings #
# Haven't changed #
# Here in my heart #
# I know, I know I wasn't wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong #
# I'd like to make amends #
# For the love that I never, ever, ever, ever showed... #
And now I am going to make you achieve
multiple orgasms
without even touching you.
I will achieve this with hypnosis.
Look into the sacred
one-eyed snake's eye.
- Nick. - Concentrate on the snake.
Concentrate on the snake.
( Tracy laughs )
Do not laugh! You do not want to anger him.
- Nick! - What?
Come here and fuck me. Come on.
# Don't you give up on me #
- # Please, please, please # - Come on, kiss me.
# Don't give up on me. #
Tracy.
Thanks, baby.
Maybe you should call her.
Tracy knows we're meeting Chuck at 7:00. She's gonna show up.
- Sally: What if she doesn't? - Jacki: I'll fucking kill her.
Ah, lives to fuck up another day.
Ha-ha.
Dude, I am never drinking red wine again.
That's a start.
Listen, missy, I'm hung over, I'm not deaf.
Hey, did you hear about our hot date with Jacki and Animal last night?
- It was not a date! - ( scoffs )
You're such a fucking dick.
Oh yeah? Did you fuck him, you whore?
No, she didn't. Right Jacki?
Come on, man, he just got out of jail. He'd fuck anything.
-Yeah, what's Nick the Dick's excuse? - Just kidding, Jacki.
Make up does make the girl.
Could we be serious just for a second? I just want to ask you a question.
Seriously, if you didn't know me, how old would you think I was?
I do know you, and I'm not playing that game.
Just humor me. C'mon now, how old do I look?
C'mon now, I could take it.
Okay, you look--
I can't, I'm sorry. I can't do this.
- Who cares, Jacki? - You're such an asshole.
- And how old are you? - 23, why?
Yeah, well, when I was "23, why?" I didn't care either.
Well, I think you look like you could pass for 29.
Thank you. But I'm not 29.
And the fact that I have to fucking lie about my age-- it pisses me off.
It's true. Unless you're young, hip and look good on the side of a building
in a fucking designer jean ad, we're not gonna get signed.
I mean, it's just-- I'm sorry.
I do not foresee a rock and roll Jacki doll in the near future.
And I hardly doubt that we'll be drinking cola
in some $30-million lame-ass video.
It's bullshit.
I play the guitar. I write my own fucking songs.
It's just bullshit, man. I don't want to lie.
I mean, everyone is a fucking liar.
Well, I think that you look really good for your age.
I'm going to go take a shit.
Jacki, there are worse things than getting old.
Yeah, like what?
Like not getting old.
Faith: That would suck.
Hey, Chuck.
Hello, Clammies. How're we doing today?
Dandy. Nice shirt, Chuck.
You're going to be my new daddy?
If you play your cards right, I think we could work something out.
We'll work that into the contract.
Jacki's voice: Okay, two dykes, a wannabe rock star,
and a tequila-guzzling speed freak walk into a restaurant.
I always imagined it would be a bit more-- I don't know, glamorous.
I mean, we'd be in this big, beautiful office, we'd sign on the dotted line,
and cut to: Band onstage playing to thousands of adoring fans,
"Whaa-aa! You guys rule! Yeah!"
My whole future is hanging in the balance
at the Big Drip Cafe.
Okay, here's what I want. I've been thinking about it for so long.
She really has.
I want it to be totally original. I want a rose, but I want it to be yellow.
- That's so pretty! - Right?
Okay, and I want two leaves on one side, but only one leaf on the other side.
Because I'm a Gemini, do you know what I mean?
Totally.
Because sometimes I can be so crazy, and then sometimes, I'm just--
- Not, right? - Exactly.
- Something like that? - Oh my God, that's it!
- Oh, it so is! - Where do you want it?
I want it on my ankle, but really low,
and really really small, so I can hide it.
And also, if I decide I don't like it later, I can just have it removed.
So, I have about a half an hour. Can do it?
Hmm.
No.
Well, why not?
Girls, there's not enough time to explain this to you now.
Besides, I got a costumer.
I'm doing the Sistine Chapel on his scrotum.
You can stay and watch if you want. You don't mind, do you?
No. No, you guys can stay.
Oh, you know what? We'll come back later.
Cool.
They're out there, breeding.
So, what's up?
Nothing. I just thought I'd come by and check out the shop.
- It looks great. - Thanks.
So, let me guess. Your mother did not name you Animal.
No, that was Sally.
I started playing drums when I was about, I don't know, 12,
and Sally was really into The Muppet Show.
You know, the little hairy red guy who plays the drums,
always screaming. ( screams )
Animal.
So you're telling me you're named after a Muppet?
Unfortunately, yes.
But you can bet I told the guys in prison a different story.
So, why were you there?
I killed someone.
Well, manslaughter.
Thanks.
Wow. Who?
Our stepdad, whose name was Dick, if you can believe that.
He was always telling my mom she was as useless as tits on a board.
My mom was passed out on the couch.
She slept through the whole thing.
I got off from work early that night.
And to get to my room you have to pass Sally's room.
And on my way by, I thought I heard voices.
That sounds like Sally's crying.
So, I look in, and there he is on top of her.
So I go to my room and I get my baseball bat.
I come back swinging.
He never heard me coming.
I just remember Sally...
hugging her knees, on the corner ofthat bed, screaming at me to stop it.
I just kept hitting that fucker.
I didn't plan on killing him...
but can't say I regret it.
( exhales )
Maybe next time we get together, we can talk about...
other things.
- The next time? - Yeah.
I came here to ask you out.
On a date?
Yeah. It's okay, isn't it?
- It's a little weird. - Well, what's weird about it?
How old are you?
I'm 27.
Yeah, well... ahem-- I'm not 27.
So?
So, I think you could find someone
a little bit more, you know, buoyant.
I think you're beautiful.
- Can I ask you something? - Sure.
Before you went away to the big house...
did you date much? Did you ever have a girlfriend?
No.
Mm-hmm.
So, it is safe to say that intimate relationships
are not something you've had a lot of experience with?
It is safe to say...
I have had absolutely none.
Hmm.
(keys clink )
So, you-- you want to go get something to eat or something?
I'm not hungry.
Why don't we just grab a drink?
I'm not thirsty.
Do you wanna go see a movie?
I don't watch movies.
- We could just go hang out. - Oh my God, you're persistent.
I've been in prison for the past 10 years.
Maybe you should get yourself a hooker.
Jacki, that's not what I was getting at.
# Tangled up in what's best #
Come on, I'll give you a ride.
No, I'm just going to walk.
Animal, no one walks in L.A.
Well, they do if they have an expired license.
Either that or take a bus.
Ooh, the shame train.
I don't mind walking.
I'll see you later.
( rock music plays )
( engine starts )
Jacki's voice: Okay, he's a virgin.
A convicted murderer virgin, without a driver's license.
Why am I finding this sexy?
What are you doing here?
I didn't know where else to go.
What happened?
Tracy, what happened?
Oh, shit.
Shit.
I don't even know where to start, dude.
Thank you.
You mind?
No, go ahead.
So, Nick-- he comes over tonight.
Tracy, that drives me crazy.
Can you talk so I can understand you?
Sorry.
All right.
Nick's been bugging me for months.
He wanted to do this whole "rape fantasy" thing.
Jesus, tell me you didn't go along with that.
I kept telling him no, women don't have fantasies about being raped,
that it's total bullshit, right? But then it hits me.
I mean, I kind of did have a fantasy.
I don't want to hear this.
- Just listen. - I really don't want to hear this.
Jacki, just listen.
I had no idea when it was going to happen.
So he shows up tonight, I'm crashed out on my bed,
comes in my room-- he's wearing a ski mask, gloves, full on--
movie-of-the-week rapist attire and dialogue--
"Don't say a word, you won't get hurt."
And I'm playing the whole victim thing,
"Oh, no, please, please don't hurt me."
Meanwhile, I'm reaching under my pillow for my gun,
which I've been keeping there since he became obsessed
with this whole fucking stupid thing.
So, I point the gun at him, and I pull off a few rounds, and then--
Wait, wait a minute. You shot Nick?
Well, yeah. That was my fantasy.
To kill whoever tried to rape me.
You killed Nick?
Of course not, dude! What do you think, I'm crazy?
I loaded the gun with blanks, but he didn't know that.
Tracy, I mean, that--
that's pretty fucking cool.
Once he realized he wasn't dead, he got really fucking pissed.
No shit!
- ( laughs ) - What's so funny?
Oh, fuck.
He peed his pants when he thought that I really shot him.
He really fucking scared me, Jacki.
He started talking all kinds of crazy shit.
And he hit me. I just got the fuck out of there.
Fuck him.
Rape fantasy.
Can I stay here tonight?
Sure.
- Would you do me a favor? - Hmm?
I don't think I locked the front door.
My bag is in there, my credit cards and my cash,
and just-- please.
Give me your keys.
I forgot how much fun it was hanging out with you.
Great, no straw.
( exhales )
Where's Tracy?
Well, she's not with me.
Does it look like she's with me? 'Cause I don't see her standing here.
Look, Nick, if you guys are fighting again--
No, we're not fighting.
What do you watch?
- A movie. - A movie?
What's that smell? Is that you, Mr. Pissy Pants?
You know what?
I lied.
Tracy is mad at me.
- Do you want to know why? - No!
Look, Nick, you need to go home, take a shower and go to bed.
I'll call you a cab. You can wait outside.
Hollywood. Yeah, can I get the number for Celebrity Cab?
Whew!
What's that all about?
Don't make a sound, and nobody's going to get hurt.
You're a freak, do you know that?
- ( grunts ) - Nick: Huh?
"Nicky, I used fake bullets! I thought you'd think it was funny."
Hmm?
You mind if I ask you a question, hmm?
Where the fuck is Tracy?
- Huh?! Where's my fucking girlfriend? - I don't know!
I think you know.
( screaming )
Nick: What's the deal?!
( crying ) No!
( door creaks )
Sally?
Oh, shit! Sally, sh-- oh, sh-- oh, baby!